Tom the Biker

I'm slowly indoctrinating Grandson Thomas into the wonderful world of Motorbikes so here are a couple of piccies taken at the weekend with him learning the controls. Not that he can reach them yet! Frighteningly it won't be that long! don't kids grow up quickly these days?

Ribblehead Viaduct

I had a very pleasant solo ride on the Harley yesterday. I had done a couple of hours perspiring in the garden so decided I would just have an hour out.

I set off with no plans at all, found myself cruising merrily along the A59 passing Clitheroe. I turned left at Gisburn and did the touring bike bit - once on the A65 I went up to Ingleton, then turned right onto the B6255 passing the White Scar caves and then on to the Ribblehead Viaduct where one can buy a very nice Ice-Cream from the caravan parked at the junction of the Horton in Ribblesdale road (B6479)

I started the homeward run by dropping in to Clapham then crossing the A65 and taking small country lanes over the hill known as great Harlow (no relation to Jean) and passed to the East of Stocks reservoir and dropped in at Slaidburn.

After a cup of coffee, a tinkle and a chat with some fellow motorcyclists (in no paricular order) I rode over Waddington Fell into Clitheroe and home. Wonderful couple of hours on a truly glorious day. Ain't life grand?

Tips for surviving the credit crunch

- Don't waste money on expensive iPods. Simply think of your favourite tune and hum it. If you want to "switch tracks", simply think of another song you like and hum that instead.
- Don't waste money on expensive paper shredders to avoid having your identity stolen. Simply place a few dog turds in the bin bags along with your old bank statements.
- Homeowners: Prevent burglars stealing everything in the house by simply moving everything in the house into your bedroom when you go to bed. In the morning, simply move it all back again.
- Save money on expensive personalised car number plates by simply changing your name to match your existing plate. Mr. KVL 741Y,
- Don't waste money buying expensive binoculars. Simply stand closer to the object you wish to view.
- Save electricity by turning off all the lights in your house and walking around wearing a miner's hat.
- Housewives, the best way to get two bottles of washing-up liquid for the price of one is by putting one in your shopping trolley and the other in your coat pocket.
- Old telephone directories make ideal personal address books, simply cross out the names and address of people you don't know.
- Save on booze by drinking cold tea instead of whisky. The following morning you can create the effects of a hangover by drinking a thimble full of washing up liquid and banging your head repeatedly on the wall.
- Save a fortune on laundry bills. Give your dirty shirts to charity, they will wash and iron them and you can buy them back for next to nothing.
- Old people, if you feel cold indoors this winter, simply pop outside for ten minutes without a coat, when you go back inside you will really feel the benefit.
- Make your own inexpensive mints by leaving blobs of toothpaste to dry on a window sill.

Where is Cromwell when you really need him

Dissolution of the Long Parliament by Oliver Cromwell given to the House of Commons, 20 April 1653

It is high time for me to put an end to your sitting in this place, which you have dishonoured by your contempt of all virtue, and defiled by your practice of every vice; ye are a factious crew, and enemies to all good government; ye are a pack of mercenary wretches, and would like Esau sell your country for a mess of pottage, and like Judas betray your God for a few pieces of money.

Is there a single virtue now remaining amongst you? Is there one vice you do not possess? Ye have no more religion than my horse; gold is your God; which of you have not barter'd your conscience for bribes? Is there a man amongst you that has the least care for the good of the Commonwealth?

Ye sordid prostitutes have you not defil'd this sacred place, and turn'd the Lord's temple into a den of thieves, by your immoral principles and wicked practices? Ye are grown intolerably odious to the whole nation; you were deputed here by the people to get grievances redress'd, are yourselves gone! So! Take away that shining bauble there, and lock up the doors.

In the name of God, go!

Flower Power

Walking around the estate at Jones Towers this morning, I noticed a rather special flower so I have attempted to photograph it using the "macro" setting on the digital camera. The flower is actually a potato flower, the good news is that it means before long I will be digging up my first crop of spuds! I can hardly wait.

CROCODILES

At low tide two Crocodiles were sitting on the embankment of the River Thames. The smaller one turned to the bigger one and said, 'I can't understand how you can be so much bigger than me? We're the same age, we were the same size as kids. I just don't get it.'
'Well,' said the big Croc, 'what have you been eating?'

'Members of Parliament, same as you,' replied the small Croc.

'Hmm. Well, where do you catch them?'

'Down the other side of Westminster near their car park

'Same here. Hmm. How do you catch them?'
'Well, I crawl up under one of their Jaguar cars and wait for one to unlock the car door.

Then I jump out, grab them by the leg, shake the shit out of them and eat them!

'Ah!' says the big Crocodile, 'I think I see your problem. You're not getting any real nourishment,

see, by the time you finish shaking the shit out of a Politician, there's nothing left but an arsehole and a briefcase.'

The Garden

I realised that I haven't yet mentioned my garden, The garden at Jones Towers should really be called a meadow, for that is precisely what it was some 25 years ago. It also rises quite steeply away from the house. I have attempted to grow vegetables in the past but not been very successfully.

This year I had the bright idea of building some raised beds on a section of lawn that we never used as a lawn. So with the good offices of a friend and neighbour I acquired some standard scaffold boards and built the beds shown in the picture, filled them with some topsoil from our local garden centre and they seem to be working perfectly. I may have overcrowded the cabbage in the middle one, but everything else is progressing nicely. We are looking forward to some Garlic, Onions, Carrots, Spinach, Broccoli and Celeriac. The raised beds are 9ft 6 in. long by 3ft 6 in wide (very approx 3M x 1M)

I do have two other plots further up the meadow, I will photograph those and talk about them later - but what I do enjoy is playing with Bonsai trees. The other photo, albeit not a good one, shows an Olive tree (Olea Europaea) estimated at approx 5 years old, and a Larch (Larix decidua) which is around 15 years old. The word 'Bonsai' actually means 'planted in a tray' these of course are obviously not planted in trays, but are dwarfed by careful pruning of the roots and the growing section and looking like miniature trees. Its a pleasing hobby which doesn't take up too much time. More pictures later.

Happy Birthday Jake

I want to wish my friend Jake a belated Happy Birthday. Jake is the author of the oldscroteshome Blog as listed at the bottom of this page. If you haven't yet had a look do so now. The man is a legend.

Hog Low Pike

Had a great walk yesterday, we did a circular route around the Grane Reservoirs, eventually reaching the triangulation point at Hog Low Pike, and then carrying on the derelict quarry workings above the Reservoirs, dropping down to Calf Hey and back to the car. It sounds quick when I say it like that but we were out for around 4 hours. A lot of that time was admiring the views on a particularly fine morning, and having the occasional sit down for a well deserved drink and snack.

The hill to the south of the Grane reservoirs has numerous sites of quarry workings going back many many years. I don't know enough about the industrial archeology of the area to go too deeply into it, however, an interesting point for readers who are not from this area, The paving stones in Trafalgar Square (that's in that London place down south somewhere!) and various other London streets are paved with Stone from these quarries.