Sledging

Had a wonderful hour or so last Saturday playing in the snow with Thomas, and Jay the Autistic Spaniel enjoyed the fun as well.

Now I want the snow to go away, It has caused enough aggravation and we need to do some christmas shopping - Bah Humbug!

Troy Quarry

Had a walk with Jay the Autistic Spaniel the other day, took a few photos around Troy Quarry, this is an ancient disused quarry just off the Grane road. I have looked for some history of the place, but so far found little or nothing, I believe it ceased functioning as a quarry in the early 20th century but as yet I haven't found any specific dates.

Ships

I have been scanning in photographs of the ships I sailed in during my time as a Radio Officer in the Merchant Navy, so I thought I would share them with you.

From top to bottom they are 16,000 ton d.w. Tanker "Border Fusilier" this is a poor photo blagged from the internet and doesn't bear enlarging. I spent only approx three months on the Fusilier, Border Tankers was a subsidiary company of B.P. and operated mainly small coastal tankers. I travelled from Scandinavia to the Med. and back.

Next is a 9,500 gt general cargo ship mv "Floristan". she was owned by Strick and Ellerman and was interesting in having a 180 ton derrick built amidships. This was my second ship, I should have done three months on this one, travelling to the gulf and back but she was chartered by an American company and we were sent off on a varied trip which saw us arriving in Chittagong the day marshall law was declared, Ayub Khan gave up the ghost, and East Pakistan became Bangladesh. After that we went to mombasa, loaded a deck cargo of zoo animals bound for New York. I was on Floristan for eight months and spent my 21st birthday aboard. a small coincidental interesting point is that my Mother was called Florence and my Father was called Stanley - my 2nd ship was called Floristan!!!!!

The last one in this group is the mv "Laganbank" one of a large group of ships owned by the Bank Line (actually Andrew Weir and Co) She was built as a "Copra" ship. i.e. she was designed to carry coconut produce from the south sea islands. My 6 or 7 months on Laganbank were wonderful. We carried general cargo to the mexican gulf ports of USA, sailed through Panama canal and crossed the pacific, taking on fuel in Fiji. We docked in Brisbane on Christmas eve 1969. After a week or more of festivities we then circumnavigated Aussie and came home via various islands of the South Pacific, calling in at the Solomon Islands, Fiji (again), Tonga, and Samoa. It was an amazing trip, there are too many stories to recount here, one day I will sit down and write some of them down for posterity

Avast Behind! (not you Madam)

A Pirate walked into a pub, and the barman said "We haven't seen you for a while, you look terrible"
The Pirate said "I feel absolutely fine"
"What about the Leg?"
"Ah a cannon ball took it during a bit of a battle" said the Pirate.
"And the Hook?"
"Well as we boarded a prize ship, one of the crew swung a cutlass and took my hand off!"
"Well what about the Eye patch?"
"Simple" said the Pirate, one day at sea, I looked up just as a flock of seagulls was flying by, and one of them pooped in my eye".
You don't lose an eye just because a seagull poops in it" said the Barman.

"Ah" said the Pirate, That was the first day I had the hook"

Newton and Ridley's

Just had a very interesting day working as an "Extra" on the set of Coronation Street, spent the whole day in the legendary "Rover's Return" filming a wedding reception. Of course it was Gail and Joe's wedding (Helen Worth and Reece Dinsdale). This should be aired around Christmas / New year. You have to look out for a dark green fleece, as I am sure my right arm will appear in at least one shot. As for the rest, who can tell.
As a matter of interest, the beer they pull from the pumps as Newton and Ridley's, is some form of shandy. Drinkable but only just - very, very sweet lemonady drink which goes flat in minutes, they have a lady who spends her whole time topping up people's pints so that they look like fresh beer.
An interesting day all in all. amazed to see how they actually get so many varied shot in such a small area. For stage crew members, the whole thing is a box set, all clipped together, so to get the cameras in any position, they simple take a wall out, or put a wall in to make the scene complete, and with special clips (a modern day variation of roping and cleating) a scene change can be done in seconds.
Lets drink a toast to the bride - fourth time lucky? - I think not................

Epidemics

I am not too concerned about Swine flu. But I think there is a cause for concern.
3 years ago - Chinese year of the Cow saw us with Mad-Cow disease.
2 Years ago - Chinese year of the Bird and we had Avian Flu.
This year - Chinese year of the Pig and we are suffering from Swine Flu.

Next year is the Year of the Cock! Anybody else worried?

"Motor" Home

This one is for 'Marie and Rex - Travels with a motorhome' (see link at the bottom of the page) When their Carbon footprint becomes too large driving a big diesel engine all over Europe, they may consider the new device pictured. I can just picture them taking turns to pedal.

Norman Painting OBE 1925 - 2009

Very sad to hear that Mr Norman Painting OBE passed away yesterday (29th October 2009). Norman had played Phil Archer in the long running BBC radio show "The Archers" Since the pilot episodes went out in 1950. In fact is in the guinness book of records for being the Actor playing the longest continuous role - almost 60 years!

We Archers fans will now have to wait to see how they write "Phil" out of the show. I hope he goes peacefully - It will be hard not to shed a tear.

Firsts

The last few days I have had some new experiences, We have harvested our very first Pumpkin, a fine specimen which will make a good Hallowe'en Lantern. It is about 11 or 12 inches diameter and weighs in at (I guess) 25 lbs

I have placed a Kodak Brownie 127 next to it to give some idea of scale.

Another first, is the first proper attempt at "Bowl Turning" I have recently aquired a small woodturning Lathe, A proper one! previously I have attempted turning on a rather primitive 'bolt on the bench' type of contraption - which has taught me a few things, but the difference in using a real lathe is amazing. So, from a blank of Plane tree (Platanus acerifolia) I have turned a rather splendid wooden bowl. I have also done a few practice pieces like mushrooms and tea-light holders

The Final First, is an attempt at candle making. She who must be obeyed enjoys having a candle burning, and most of them only burn half way, if that. So with a cheap mold and a boiling pan (bain-marie) type pan within an pan, I have been melting down the left over bits and making new ones. Not taken a photo of the candles yet, having problems getting photographs positioned in this blog so I may start using flicker and giving you a link to that.

I have also started using the aforementioned flickr, If you want to look at a couple of motorbikes, go to www.flickr.com and do a search for hgj1948

Fishing

Took my Friend Chris on his first fishing trip last Monday, we picked a glorious day but the fish weren't playing as well as they could have, It was a bit too bright to be ideal. However, I managed to hook a decent trout (more by good luck than by fishing skill) and then handed my rod to Chris who managed to get the fish in the net.
By the end of the session He was managing to get a line out, which is no mean feat, we older fly fishermen forget how hard it is to master the timing required to cast a fly line!


This is Chris holding a 2.5 Lb Rainbow trout

A scenic picture of Chris trying to master the art of casting a fly line.

An enjoyable couple hours in good company, Chris tells me he enjoyed himself and he and Mrs B enjoyed their evening meal! Hopefully I have given him an insight to the noble art of Game Fishing.

For the fisherman amongst my readers, It was a bright day with a light variable wind, although fish were rising earlier in the session, they were not taking any of the standard dry flies, I tried Daddys, Small Blacks, Foam beetles, muddlers, and various buzzers. I also tried teams of traditional wets and even a lure or two but didn't get a touch. Until we moved position and I tried another Daddy just drifting in a small ripple, The fish I took came out of the depths and almost took me by surprise. after that we didn't see another rise. But as an Irish friend of mine once said "That's the Fishing for you"

Rum, Bum and Baccy

I have just pinched this from my friend Jake (Old Scrotes Home) see the link at the bottom of the page - who has recently pinched it from someone else

How would Nelson have fared if he had been subject to modern health and safety regulations?

"Order the signal to be sent, Hardy."
"Aye, aye sir."
"Hold on, that's not what I dictated to the signal officer. What's the meaning of this?"
"Sorry sir?"
"England expects every person to do his duty, regardless of race, gender, sexual orientation, religious persuasion or disability. What gobbledegook is this?"
"Admiralty policy, I'm afraid, sir. We're an equal opportunities employer now. We had the devil's own job getting 'England' past the censors, lest it be considered racist."
"Gadzooks, Hardy. Hand me my pipe and tobacco."
"Sorry sir. All naval vessels have been designated smoke-free working environments."
"In that case, break open the rum ration. Let us splice the main brace to steel the men before battle."
"The rum ration has been abolished, Admiral. It's part of the Government's policy on binge drinking."
"Good heavens, Hardy. I suppose we'd better get on with it. Full speed ahead."
"I think you'll find that there's a 4 knot speed limit in this stretch of water."
"Damn it man! We are on the eve of the greatest sea battle in history. We must advance with all dispatch. Report from the crow's nest, please."
"That won't be possible, sir."
"What?"
"Health and Safety have closed the crow's nest, sir. No harness. And they said that rope ladder doesn't meet regulations. They won't let anyone up there until a proper scaffolding can be erected."
"Then get me the ship's carpenter without delay, Hardy."
"He's busy knocking up a wheelchair access to the fo'c'sle Admiral."
"Wheelchair access? I've never heard anything so absurd."
"Health and Safety again, sir. We have to provide a barrier-free environment for the differently abled."
"Differently abled? I've only one arm and one eye and I refuse even to hear mention of the word. I didn't rise to the rank of admiral by playing the disability card."
"Actually, sir, you did. The Royal Navy is under-represented in the areas of visual impairment and limb deficiency."
"Whatever next? Give me full sail. The salt spray beckons."
"A couple of problems there too, sir. Health and Safety won't let the crew up the rigging without crash helmets. And they don't want anyone breathing in too much salt - haven't you seen the adverts?"
"I've never heard such infamy. Break out the cannon and tell the men to stand by to engage the enemy."
"The men are a bit worried about shooting at anyone, Admiral."
"What? This is mutiny."
"It's not that, sir. It's just that they're afraid of being charged with murder if they actually kill anyone. There's a couple of legal aid lawyers on board, watching everyone like hawks."
"Then how are we to sink the Frenchies and the Spanish?"
"Actually, sir, we're not."
"We're not?"
"No, sir. The Frenchies and the Spanish are our European partners now. According to the Common Fisheries Policy, we shouldn't even be in this stretch of water. We could get hit with a claim for compensation."
"But you must hate a Frenchman as you hate the devil."
"I wouldn't let the ship's diversity co-ordinator hear you saying that sir. You'll be up on a disciplinary charge."
"You must consider every man an enemy who speaks ill of your King."
"Not any more, sir. We must be inclusive in this multicultural age. Now put on your Kevlar vest; it's the rules."
"Don't tell me - Health and Safety. Whatever happened to rum, sodomy and the lash?"
"As I explained, sir, rum is off the menu. And now there's a ban on corporal punishment."
"What about sodomy?"
"I believe it's to be encouraged, sir."
"In that case... kiss me, Hardy."

Last Run

Sunday was the last run of the season on the old Bikes, we had a 60 mile run which took us from Rawtenstall towards Burnley, then a diverse route over the hills passing Blackshawhead, Colden, Trawden, Laneshaw Bridge, Ponden Reservoir, Stanbury, Oxenhope and stopped for lunch at a pub called "The Delvers" in Wainstalls. This we were told is about 5 miles from Halifax.

The first 40 miles or so were done in slightly inclement weather, but at lunchtime it dried up, and the ride home which took us via Luddendenfoot (Isn't that a wonderful name), Hebden Bridge, Todmorden, Bacup and back to Rawtenstall was a little less damp.

veni, vidi, vici.

Recently via the social networking site that I call Face-Ache, some friends and I have been playing with puns based on the above quotation from Julius Caesar. The real meaning of course is "I came, I saw, I conquered" all three words being the first person perfect tense of the verbs venire, to come: -videre, to see: - vincere, to conquer. The quotation can be found in the writings of Plutarch and Suetonius and was made in c47BC
And of course the classical latin pronunciation would have been wenni, widi, wicki. Forgive my amateurish phonetic interpretation, but I have never mastered the correct OED method.
I have been quite amused by these I hope you are - feel free to send me any more.

veni, vidi, vici - I came, I saw, I conquered

veni, vidi, veggie - I came, I saw, I had a Salad

veni, vidi, verily - I came, I saw, I Concurred

veni, vidi, vd - I came, I saw, I Clapped

veni, vidi, V8 - I came, I saw, I left very Quickly

veni, vidi, viola - I came, I saw, I made a screeching noise

veni, vidi, vacuum - I came, I saw, I cleaned up

veni, vidi, velcro - I came, I saw, I stuck around

veni, vidi, vendor - I came, I saw, I sold

veni, vidi, vomit - I came, I saw, I drank too much

veni, vidi, vacuus - I came, I saw, I didn’t think

veni, vidi, venturi - I came, I saw, I created a vacuum

veni, vidi, ventilate - I came, I saw, I breathed fresh air

veni, vidi, velociraptor - I came, I saw, I watched a Spielberg movie

veni, vidi, VCR - I came, I saw, I rented the Video

veni, vidi, vanish - I came, I saw, I disappeared

veni, vidi, varnish - I came, I saw, I had a beautiful finish

veni, vidi, venison - I came, I saw, I ran over a deer

veni, vidi, Volvo - I came, I saw, I failed to indicate

veni, vidi, visa - I came, I saw, I did a little shopping

veni, vidi, V-Rod - I came, I saw, I bought a Harley
veni, vidi, Victoria - I came, I saw, I was not amused
veni, vidi, Vinci - I came, I saw, I smiled enigmatically

Friends

I have been missing for a week or more this time, mainly because an old friend has been rather poorly, and last Thursday he died peacefully at home. Harry was a good old friend, and I shall miss him, I used to spend many an hour playing "grumpy old men" and putting the world to rights with him. He had just passed his 83rd birthday, so, as people say, He'd had a "good innings". His son Gareth is preparing an Obituary, which I will publish here in due course.

On a lighter note, this morning I had a pleasant walk with another friend (and of course Jay the autistic Spaniel) we chatted and tried to put the world to rights. In chatting, mainly about the decline of the English language, I remembered a little story which I will relate here.

A businessman arriving in Boston for a convention found that his first evening was free, and he decided to go find a good seafood restaurant that served Scrod, a Massachusetts specialty. Getting into a taxi, he asked the cab driver, "Do you know where I can get Scrod around here?" "Sure," said the cabdriver. "I know a few places... but I can tell you it's not often I hear someone use the third-person pluperfect indicative anymore!"

The Good Life

Lifted our first crop of home grown carrots yesterday afternoon, really quite pleased with the results. We have already had a few lifted to "thin" the row, but noticed one or two getting eaten probably by slugs, and some getting extremely large. I weighed one example at 1lb 2 oz (c 540g)not bad for a single carrot.

The second picture shows the Red Cabbage crop, with baby leeks growing next to them and behind them the celeriac.

All in all, I am pleased with the results for the first year of the raised beds. We have learned a few lessons which will help next year but reading the gardening magazines and books, we should be able to carry on producing some food over the winter, including some salad crops - a few late sown "cut and come again" lettuce can be seen thriving in front of the carrot crop.
The space vacated by the carrots has already been filled with seedlings germinated in a seed tray, of "Durham Early" cabbage, which I am reliably informed give excellent spring Green type crop which can be eaten whenever they look ready.

Ah the good life! I don't suppose Felicity Kendal will come and assist with the weeding!

Deja Vu

Grandson Thomas wearing my Helmet. It almost fits him as well!

It has been a good week in East Lancashire, Had a couple of days work to top up the old Coffers, had a couple of good rides, almost identical to the rides reported a couple of weeks ago. On Thursday I went with Chris and his brother Tony and took them on the same ride as previously reported, via Kettlewell, Coverdale . . . . . . . finishing up in Slaidburn. Tony said that in 17 years of riding Motorbikes, that was the best ride ever! some accolade eh?

Friday I went again with Peter on the Old bikes, this time he went on his beautiful Norton ES2, Just to Slaidburn for a brew and a Scone.

Today I have been on a "Historic Vehicle Cavalcade" Organised by Lancashire Museums, a group of people with Cars ranging from a Model T Ford to E Type Jags and a handfull of motorbikes, my AJS included, travelled from Helmshore Textile museum, to Gawthorpe Hall in Padiham, to Queen street Mill in Burnley and ended up at Townley Hall in Burnley. All fascinating venues, just google any of them for more info, my highlight was the Mill engine at Queen Street Mill steamed up from a Lancashire Boiler. Great day out and met some lovely people in the process

Some of the Bikes on the Heritage Run, A BSA, Two Triumph and a Honda

Weather (or not)

I'm totally fed up with the rain, You would think the Met Office would do something about it. Goodness knows what they actually do on the Air Ministry roof!

It all reminds me of a poem I once knew and still do apparently

The Rain it raineth on the just, and also on the unjust fellah,
But mainly on the just because the unjust steals the just's umbrella.

Somehow, I don't think that was one of Milton's finest.

It is supposedly due to dry up about Wednesday, so I might be able to tidy the Garden, go out on a motorbike or go Fishing without getting saturated.

Just a little picture of a BSA Gold Star DBD34. One of the many bikes on my "Lottery List"

Tempus Fugit

I hadn't realised that a whole week had passed without a word from me.

Thursday was a good day, Chris and I took the Motorbikes (Me on the Harley) for a long run taking in Sabden, Clitheroe, Grassington, Kettlewell, over the Famous Coverdale road to Middleham, Leyburn, Reeth, Muker, Buttertubs pass, Hawes, Ribblehead, Ingleton, High Bentham, Great Harlow, Slaidburn, Sawley then back over the Nick of Pendle, Sabden again and Home. A truly great run over some of the best motorcycling roads in the country, and to make things even better, we stayed dry!

Chris's BMW on the road out of Kettlewell looking to the West

Friday I went out with my friend Pete, he on the Vincent and Me on the AJS. we had a gentle ride to slaidburn and back, taking in a brew and a cream covered scone at the cafe in Slaidburn.


Saturday not as good, went fishing with a gentleman called Arthur who hadn't tried fly fishing before and sadly we caught nothing. It was quite a cool windy evening, at about 20-30 hrs it looked like the trout were beginning to rise, but too dark by that time to change flies or really see what was was happening, so we called it a day.

Thomas in New Halloween Costume, performing "Incy wincy spider"

Grandson Thomas stayed over Saturday night, so we all went for a short walk this morning and managed to get home before the rain set in.

Summer?

Blimey, has summer come at last? She who must be obeyed is visiting her friend Margaret in Llandudno or we may have had the second Barbecue of the year, but she is and we didn't.

Had a good day today, took the Harley for a gentle ride over to Settle and back calling in at Slaidburn for the customary mug of Tea and a chat with fellow motorcyclists - very pleasant.

Salmo Gairdneri

This evening went for a couple of hours fishing at my club reservoir. Excellent couple of hours, Missed a couple of fish, returned three fish to fight again, and brought home my bag limit of three fish - a total of 5 lbs (roughly 2.3 Kg) All caught on a dry fly called (and representative of) "Daddy Longlegs" That is a crane fly - Tipula Maxima, I believe our colonial friends from the wrong side of the Atlantic call some kind of Spider a Daddy Longlegs, but what do they know?
Tipula Maxima

The piccies show a proper "Daddy" and the three fish (Which are now in my freezer) complete with a 6 inch steel ruler to give some perspective.

Idle

Had a really lazy day, got up late, had a BLT Lunch made by the wonderful Mrs J (the first wife), watched the MotoGP from Brno - Valentino Rossi won again, my that boy is good. Then watched the Athletics from Berlin where the Lass from Sheffield, Jessica Ennis, Won the Gold in the Heptathlon. After all that sport I feel quite exhausted. Oh yes, some bloke called Insane Bolt won a running race. aparently he was quite fast.

Allonby

The right hand side of the building is the cottage we rented, only small but has three bedrooms and can accomodate 5 adults,or a family of 6 for more details visit http://www.woodbine-cottage.co.uk/

This is Jay the autistic Spaniel wondering where the Sea had gone!

An evening view from the cottage, looking across the Solway Firth towards the Dumfies and Galloway coast as the Sun was setting. the place is renown for it's glorious sunsets.

Back from a very relaxing few days in North Cumbria, a quiet little seaside place called Allonby - approx halfway between Maryport and Silloth on the Solway Firth. The whole town comprises two pubs, a post office, an Ice-Cream shop and a corner Shop that sells all sorts of things including Bacon Butties in the Morning and Fish and Chips in the Evening.

The main attraction is that from anywhere in town you are no more than two minutes from the beach. A mindblowing Bay, I would guess at 4+ miles from Maryport almost to Silloth, which is so spacious you can walk for hours in almost total solitude. When the tide goes out (around half a mile) there is a massive stretch of sand, with a few rock pools scattered about.

Even at high tide there is plenty of room to walk for as long as the old legs will carry you. Jay the autistic Spaniel was in heaven, running and swimming to his hearts content.

Holiday

Going on holiday on Monday, only for a few days, we are going to Allonby which is halfway between Maryport and Silloth on the Cumbrian coast. We are looking forward to four days of warm Cumbrian rain instead of all this wet Lancashire rain. I will try and get a couple of photographs, they will probably be of Jay the Autistic Spaniel swimming in the Sea. I think it is the sea there, or it may be the Solway Firth. Who knows?....Who cares? I will be back by next weekend so I will let you know.

Anticipation

I am grateful to my friend Jake (see oldscroteshome) for reminding me that at 5 minutes and 6 seconds past 4 o'clock in the morning on Friday the 7th of August this year, it will be

04:05:06-07/08/09

Isn't it good to have something to look forward to!

FOOD

Well the weather continues to be all too much like a typical English summer, and looking at the Met. Office web site, it isn't likely to improve over the next two weeks. That is a bit depressing as next week, we are going for a short break in Cumbria, still Jay the autistic Spaniel won't complain.

At least we are starting to crop some decent vegetables, the picture shows a few standard courgettes (Zucchini if you live on the wrong side of the Atlantic), a small "Burpless" cucumber and the yellow thing is a new variety of courgette of the type known as "One Ball" Is it possible that this was Hitler's favourite vegetable?

A few days ago we dug up some potatoes, one of the many "Pentland" varieties, from 4 seed potatoes we cropped 15.5 Lbs (approx 7 Kg) and our Broad beans have so far produced about 3 lbs (shelled weight) so at least we can eat for a week.

Healthy Eating?

THE FINAL WORD ON NUTRITION

After an exhaustive review of the research literature, here's the final word on nutrition and health:

1. Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
2. Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
3. Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
4. Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
5. Germans drink beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
6. The French eat foie-gras, full fat cheese and drink red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us

CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

Happy Birthday

Forgive me for wishing myself a happy birthday. I'm not giving away my age, but it's 40 years since I got the key to the door.

Thomas has been round to see me, and as you can see he helped my blow the candles out on my cake.

Don't you just love spit covered birthday Cake! Yummeee!

To the left is Jay the autistic Spaniel begging for a piece of cake. He wanted to help blow the candles out - but he's not as good as Thomas.

Prince of Darkness

For the uninitiated, there was once a man called Joe Lucas who was the founder of the Lucas electrical company which supplied a lot of the electrical components to the British Motor industry (Cars and Motorbikes) - These were notorious for their non reliability -therefore lights fail - ergo DARKNESS. So Joe became the Prince of Darkness. There follows a treatise on how electricity works

A Treatise on the Importance of Smoke
by Joseph Lucas

Electricity depends on proper circuit functioning, which is the transmission of negative ions by retention of the visible spectral manifestation known as "smoke". Smoke is the thing that makes electrical circuits work. We know this to be true because every time one lets the smoke out of an electrical circuit, it stops working. This can be verified repeatedly through empirical testing. For example, if one places a copper bar across the terminals of a battery, prodigious quantities of smoke are liberated and the battery shortly ceases to function. In addition, if one observes smoke escaping from an electrical component such as a Lucas voltage regulator, it will also be observed that the component no longer functions. The logic is elementary and inescapable!

The function of the wiring harness is to conduct the smoke from one device to another. When the wiring springs a leak and lets all the smoke out of the system, nothing works afterward.

Starter motors were considered unsuitable for British motorcycles for some time largely because they consumed large quantities of
smoke, requiring very unsightly large wires.

It has been reported that Lucas electrical components are possibly more prone to electrical leakage than their Bosch, Japanese or American counterparts. Experts point out that this is because Lucas is British, and all things British leak. British engines leak oil, British shock absorbers, hydraulic forks and disk brake systems leak fluid, British tyres leak air and British Intelligence leaks national defence secrets. Therefore, it follows that British electrical systems must leak smoke. Once again, the logic is clear and inescapable.

In conclusion, the basic concept of transmission of electrical energy in the form of smoke provides a logical explanation of the mysteries of electrical components - especially British units manufactured by Joseph Lucas, Ltd.

"A gentleman does not motor about after dark."

Joseph Lucas (1842 - 1903)

First Harvest

The first of the years crop is ready. After planting 12 cabbages in my new raised beds, 11 of them bolted (that means flowered and started to produce seeds, rendering them bitter and tough) and therefore had to be composted, we did try a few 'spring greens' from the leaves, but they were a teensy bit tough. the one remaining cabbage has hearted up over the last few days and has been harvested to make way for a follow-up crop of Leeks. The picture shows the potential prize winning cabbage held aloft by "She who must be obeyed" - I sometimes refer to her as "the first wife" just to keep her on her toes!

Yorkshire Dales

I had a good day yesterday, Pete, Jim and I went out for a ride, all on older machines, all 500cc single cylinders. (AJS model18, Vincent Comet and a BSA ZB33) We rode via a diverse route taking in Grassington, Kettlewell and then over the moors to Middleham, then on to the top of the Yorkshire Dales, close to a place called Muker.
We then returned via Buttertubs pass (don't you just love that name) Hawes, Settle and Home. None of the bikes missed a beat and I think mine is the youngest at 56 Years old. Well over 100 miles travelled, at times at quite a jaunty pace.
In the evening we went to a 40th birthday party. Happy Birthday Oggy!
Somebody commented that I don't look 40!!! The wife said "No, but he bloody did when he was!"

Congratulations to Connie Hartley

I have just heard via her Dad that my beautiful young friend Connie Hartley only went and WON the Junior National Outdoor Archery championship this last weekend. She has been on the England team for almost a year now and doing really well.

Why don't we hear good news like this on the National news occasionally. Probably because we hear far too much about overpaid drama-queens that kick a football up and down a lawn and get paid millions for the priviledge

Youngsters like Connie and her long suffering parents who spend hours every week practicing and driving great distances up and down the country never get a mention.

So I say again well done Connie - You are a Star.

Things are looking up!

An elderly couple - Margaret and Bert, moved to Texas .
Bert always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots, so, seeing some on sale, he bought them and wore them home.
Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife, 'Notice anything different about me?'
Margaret looked him over. 'Nope.'
Frustrated, Bert stormed off into the bathroom, undressed and walked back into the kitchen completely naked except for the boots.
Again he asked Margaret, a little louder this time, 'Notice anything different NOW?'
Margaret looked up and exclaimed, 'Bert, what's different? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it'll be hanging down again tomorrow!'
Furious, Bert yelled,'AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT'S HANGING DOWN, MARGARET?'
'Nope', she replied.
'IT'S HANGING DOWN, BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!!!!'

Without changing her expression,

Margaret replied,

'Shoulda bought a hat, Bert.
Shoulda bought a hat.'

Mrs Slocombe

Just heard that Mrs Slocombe (The wonderful Mollie Sugden) has died. I hope she and Miss Brahms are making people laugh in the great department store in the sky. We should all stroke a pussy in remembrance of a true classic of British Sit.com.

TWITTER

Heard a lot about this Twitter thing so I thought I would have a look, not quite worked out the point of it yet but the link to my twittling is http://twitter.com/HGJ1948

Tom the Biker

I'm slowly indoctrinating Grandson Thomas into the wonderful world of Motorbikes so here are a couple of piccies taken at the weekend with him learning the controls. Not that he can reach them yet! Frighteningly it won't be that long! don't kids grow up quickly these days?

Ribblehead Viaduct

I had a very pleasant solo ride on the Harley yesterday. I had done a couple of hours perspiring in the garden so decided I would just have an hour out.

I set off with no plans at all, found myself cruising merrily along the A59 passing Clitheroe. I turned left at Gisburn and did the touring bike bit - once on the A65 I went up to Ingleton, then turned right onto the B6255 passing the White Scar caves and then on to the Ribblehead Viaduct where one can buy a very nice Ice-Cream from the caravan parked at the junction of the Horton in Ribblesdale road (B6479)

I started the homeward run by dropping in to Clapham then crossing the A65 and taking small country lanes over the hill known as great Harlow (no relation to Jean) and passed to the East of Stocks reservoir and dropped in at Slaidburn.

After a cup of coffee, a tinkle and a chat with some fellow motorcyclists (in no paricular order) I rode over Waddington Fell into Clitheroe and home. Wonderful couple of hours on a truly glorious day. Ain't life grand?

Tips for surviving the credit crunch

- Don't waste money on expensive iPods. Simply think of your favourite tune and hum it. If you want to "switch tracks", simply think of another song you like and hum that instead.
- Don't waste money on expensive paper shredders to avoid having your identity stolen. Simply place a few dog turds in the bin bags along with your old bank statements.
- Homeowners: Prevent burglars stealing everything in the house by simply moving everything in the house into your bedroom when you go to bed. In the morning, simply move it all back again.
- Save money on expensive personalised car number plates by simply changing your name to match your existing plate. Mr. KVL 741Y,
- Don't waste money buying expensive binoculars. Simply stand closer to the object you wish to view.
- Save electricity by turning off all the lights in your house and walking around wearing a miner's hat.
- Housewives, the best way to get two bottles of washing-up liquid for the price of one is by putting one in your shopping trolley and the other in your coat pocket.
- Old telephone directories make ideal personal address books, simply cross out the names and address of people you don't know.
- Save on booze by drinking cold tea instead of whisky. The following morning you can create the effects of a hangover by drinking a thimble full of washing up liquid and banging your head repeatedly on the wall.
- Save a fortune on laundry bills. Give your dirty shirts to charity, they will wash and iron them and you can buy them back for next to nothing.
- Old people, if you feel cold indoors this winter, simply pop outside for ten minutes without a coat, when you go back inside you will really feel the benefit.
- Make your own inexpensive mints by leaving blobs of toothpaste to dry on a window sill.

Where is Cromwell when you really need him

Dissolution of the Long Parliament by Oliver Cromwell given to the House of Commons, 20 April 1653

It is high time for me to put an end to your sitting in this place, which you have dishonoured by your contempt of all virtue, and defiled by your practice of every vice; ye are a factious crew, and enemies to all good government; ye are a pack of mercenary wretches, and would like Esau sell your country for a mess of pottage, and like Judas betray your God for a few pieces of money.

Is there a single virtue now remaining amongst you? Is there one vice you do not possess? Ye have no more religion than my horse; gold is your God; which of you have not barter'd your conscience for bribes? Is there a man amongst you that has the least care for the good of the Commonwealth?

Ye sordid prostitutes have you not defil'd this sacred place, and turn'd the Lord's temple into a den of thieves, by your immoral principles and wicked practices? Ye are grown intolerably odious to the whole nation; you were deputed here by the people to get grievances redress'd, are yourselves gone! So! Take away that shining bauble there, and lock up the doors.

In the name of God, go!

Flower Power

Walking around the estate at Jones Towers this morning, I noticed a rather special flower so I have attempted to photograph it using the "macro" setting on the digital camera. The flower is actually a potato flower, the good news is that it means before long I will be digging up my first crop of spuds! I can hardly wait.

CROCODILES

At low tide two Crocodiles were sitting on the embankment of the River Thames. The smaller one turned to the bigger one and said, 'I can't understand how you can be so much bigger than me? We're the same age, we were the same size as kids. I just don't get it.'
'Well,' said the big Croc, 'what have you been eating?'

'Members of Parliament, same as you,' replied the small Croc.

'Hmm. Well, where do you catch them?'

'Down the other side of Westminster near their car park

'Same here. Hmm. How do you catch them?'
'Well, I crawl up under one of their Jaguar cars and wait for one to unlock the car door.

Then I jump out, grab them by the leg, shake the shit out of them and eat them!

'Ah!' says the big Crocodile, 'I think I see your problem. You're not getting any real nourishment,

see, by the time you finish shaking the shit out of a Politician, there's nothing left but an arsehole and a briefcase.'

The Garden

I realised that I haven't yet mentioned my garden, The garden at Jones Towers should really be called a meadow, for that is precisely what it was some 25 years ago. It also rises quite steeply away from the house. I have attempted to grow vegetables in the past but not been very successfully.

This year I had the bright idea of building some raised beds on a section of lawn that we never used as a lawn. So with the good offices of a friend and neighbour I acquired some standard scaffold boards and built the beds shown in the picture, filled them with some topsoil from our local garden centre and they seem to be working perfectly. I may have overcrowded the cabbage in the middle one, but everything else is progressing nicely. We are looking forward to some Garlic, Onions, Carrots, Spinach, Broccoli and Celeriac. The raised beds are 9ft 6 in. long by 3ft 6 in wide (very approx 3M x 1M)

I do have two other plots further up the meadow, I will photograph those and talk about them later - but what I do enjoy is playing with Bonsai trees. The other photo, albeit not a good one, shows an Olive tree (Olea Europaea) estimated at approx 5 years old, and a Larch (Larix decidua) which is around 15 years old. The word 'Bonsai' actually means 'planted in a tray' these of course are obviously not planted in trays, but are dwarfed by careful pruning of the roots and the growing section and looking like miniature trees. Its a pleasing hobby which doesn't take up too much time. More pictures later.

Happy Birthday Jake

I want to wish my friend Jake a belated Happy Birthday. Jake is the author of the oldscroteshome Blog as listed at the bottom of this page. If you haven't yet had a look do so now. The man is a legend.

Hog Low Pike

Had a great walk yesterday, we did a circular route around the Grane Reservoirs, eventually reaching the triangulation point at Hog Low Pike, and then carrying on the derelict quarry workings above the Reservoirs, dropping down to Calf Hey and back to the car. It sounds quick when I say it like that but we were out for around 4 hours. A lot of that time was admiring the views on a particularly fine morning, and having the occasional sit down for a well deserved drink and snack.

The hill to the south of the Grane reservoirs has numerous sites of quarry workings going back many many years. I don't know enough about the industrial archeology of the area to go too deeply into it, however, an interesting point for readers who are not from this area, The paving stones in Trafalgar Square (that's in that London place down south somewhere!) and various other London streets are paved with Stone from these quarries.

New Wine

California vintners in the Napa Valley area, which primarily produce Pinot Blanc, Pinot Noir and Pinot Grigio wines, have developed a new hybrid grape that acts as an anti-diuretic. It is expected to reduce the number of trips older people have to make to the bathroom during the night. The new wine will be marketed as…………………

PINO MORE

Fishing

I decided late this afternoon to have a couple of hours fishing on the local reservoir, it wasn't ideal fishing weather, the wind was a strong westerly blowing large breakers against the dam wall. However that makes it hard to cast but easier to hide the fly. After a couple of hard hours I got a take, then another. I actually lost two trout before I landed the first, then had a couple of small Perch which I returned, and just as the evening was turning into a wet one I caught my second Trout. For those interested I was using a Black foam Beetle, the fish weren't interested in anything else. I had tried various traditional wet flies, a couple of lures, even a Deer hair muddler, but the old beetles won the day. Very pleasant evening and the fish are already in the freezer.

Bank Holiday Monday

It has become a tradition in this Family that Dad will not go out on a Bank Holiday Monday. After years of being a 'Rep' / Salesman, I never saw the point of going out on a days holiday and sitting in bigger traffic queues than you do on a standard Monday going to work. Now I don't work and the rule still applies.

Tom came round to see us on Monday, we had some good fun playing in the garden, we both got wet again, and He helped me with a bit of gardening work. He is not quite up to digging a trench or lopping branches off a tree, but it won't be long now.

Tempus Fugit

It has been a whole week since my last burbling, where does the time fly to these days. The weather has not been too good, but at least we had a couple of good days over the weekend.
I went for a short run on the AJS on Sunday, My friend Jack and I went to the Leyland Transport Museum. There was a bit of a meeting organised by the North-West Branch of the VMCC. Quite a few vintage Motorcycles were on display and as an added bonus we were allowed free entry into the Museum. Not a massive museum, but well laid out with some very interesting displays and a couple of extremely well clued up Guides. If you are anywhere near Preston / Leyland in Lancashire, it is worth a visit.

I was about to put up a picture of one of their trucks, but they are very touchy about using anything from their website. So stuff 'em - Here's a great photo of a Manx Norton

Beautiful Morning

The Magnificent Seven met up at 7:30 this morning and had a very pleasing walk over the hills of Grane. The highlight at the end of the walk was to see the newborn Foals as shown. All three were born in the last week. Doesn't it warm the cockles of the old heart to see such an amazing sight.

The other picture shows Stan, Val, Chris, George and Harold. George likes having his picture taken but Harold was more interested in checking if Chris had any spare food.